The Babysitter
by swenfam
Summary: a drop in the ocean, a change in the weather I was praying that you and me, might end up together.
1. One

(Emma's POV)

"I now pronounce you husband and wife" the preacher stated.

I couldn't believe I made it this far with him, with hook. I never thought it'd last, I always thought Regina would break us up, or she'd tell me she felt the same about me, that I do for her, since she does babysit our daughter- she had the perfect times to open up to me. Not that I ever exactly expressed my love for the brunette, just with all the flirting I've done around her, I think she knows about how I feel. I think she knows she's someone I've always had my eyes on. I wasn't upset to be with hook, just Regina? She's better, she's always been better.

The whole time the wedding had went on all I had felt was sadness, this isn't who I wanted, I wanted her, not him. But I was too much of a chicken to express my love, my thoughts, and everything else I felt for her. As it continued the thought of having to go on a honeymoon with him killed me. I couldn't survive the whole honeymoon with him, it wasn't possible- I needed to find a way out, as soon as possible.

Regina also watched our daughter for us; her name is Ava- she is five, when we had big trips like this one, we would put her into Regina's care while we were away, we payed her a decent amount for the time frames she had watched her in.

but, maybe, that was my way out, my way out of going on this honeymoon with him.

Our plan was to meet at the airport the next morning around five. So, meaning I had to get up a little earlier to stop by Regina's and drop off Ava; which I had ended up doing. I could've done it the night before, but I wanted to spend every last moment with her that I could before I went away for almost two weeks.

I pulled up to Regina's big white house, and got out the car with Ava. Once I got to the door, it took a few knocks before I saw the door swing open and I was faced with a sleepy, but cute, brunette.

"Hello Ava!" She exclaimed

"Hi, Ms. Regina" Ava responded

Regina took her gaze off of Ava and brought them up to me

"Hey Emma" she said "Are you ready for your honeymoon?"

no I'm not.

"Hey, and yes, I'm so excited to go!" I brought a fake smile across my face.

I wish I could just tell her I don't want to go, or this isn't something I want with him anymore and I just want it with her, but it's not that easy.

"Could I come in?" I questioned, and Regina had nodded.

I checked the time on my phone, 4:05 a.m.

"Don't you have to be at the airport soon Em?" Regina asked, looking at me.

"Y-yeah, I do" I replied.

I started to get up, and I checked my phone again, 4:10 a.m.

By this time Ava was already in the guest room that Regina had set up for her, it's basically her own room now- since she's here so much.

I started heading for the door with Regina. I didn't want to leave, I just wish she would ask if this is want I really wanted so I could tell her everything, but she didn't- and of course she didn't why would she ask that?

I opened the door, and paused. I turned around to face Regina, and her, beautiful, beautiful, face.

"Thank you" I said

"No problem, Ava is a sweetheart, just like you" she responded

Just like me?

I kept staring at her for what felt like seconds

"Em" I heard her say, as I came out of my daze.

I'm so sorry Regina.

I shut the door behind me and went in for a kiss. She had quickly pulled away.

That's what I was sorry for.

"What are you doing?" She questioned

"I love you" I said

and I went right back in for a kiss, and she pulled away from me again holding onto my shirt.

"Emma, you're with hook" she looked at me letting go of my shirt.

"But, I love you, not him" I said staring into her brown eyes.

"We can't do this" she said

"But, we can" I responded going in for the third time. this time she didn't seem to pull away. Instead she started to take off my shirt, then my pants; which just left me with my black bra and thong on.

I ripped off her clothes and was met with her red lingerie. It was hot, red looked good on her- well if I'm being honest, everything looked good on her, even me.

I threw her onto her couch and made my way down her body, every kiss, every mark I left just reminded me of how much I loved this woman, she was just amazing, in all different kind of ways.


	2. Two

(Emma's POV)

As I slowly opened my eyes, I could see the sun glaring through the window. I looked around and quickly remembered that I was at Regina's house. And I also quickly remembered what had happened last night. I sat up and grabbed my phone. There was a bunch of messages from Killian, asking where I was, and why I wasn't answering him. There was a lot of missed calls too.

54 missed calls to be exact.

I started typing out a message, but then I had deleted it. There was no point.

I shut off my phone, and had made my way towards the kitchen, to only be met by a sleepy Regina.

"Hey, good morning" I faced her.

"Good morning" she yawned. "Ava's not up yet, but shouldn't you be going to catch a plan?"

I nodded my head while still facing her.

I should go catch a plan, to enjoy a honeymoon with my husband, but deep down that's not who I wanted to spend time with. I wanted to spend time with Regina. It felt right.

"You need to go Em" Regina had said, sitting down on a stool at her kitchen island.

"I don't want to" I responded.

"He'll be mad if you don't show up" Regina then started looking down at her phone.

It was a few minutes of back and forth at each other. She would tell me to go, and I would say no, because that's not what I wanted.

"Goodbye, Emma" Regina got up and helped me to the door. "I'll see you in a few day's. Ava will be okay" she explained.

I nodded sadly, and headed out the door. I didn't want to go, I wanted to stay here. Killian didn't make me as happy as Regina did. I knew my heart is where she is, somehow it's always been.

I had drove my car towards the airport, I could feel tears running down my cheeks. I could also hear the sound of my phone going off, but I knew it was Killian so I didn't bother to check it. I was on my way anyways, so he didn't need to still be in a fussy mood. I pulled up to the airport, paid for parking, and headed in. I had rebooked my flight for today at 9:00 a.m. It was already 8:30 a.m, so I didn't have much time.

I went to the check in for luggage, tagged my luggage, printed my boarding pass, and checked it in. After that I had started making my way towards the gate I was going to be taking off from.

As all this was happening, I could feel my heart begin to grow heavier and heavier. I knew Killian was going to be upset that I didn't come until today, and I knew he wasn't going to let me live this one down.

I could still feel my phone continuing to go off in my back pocket as I was standing in line to go through security. I wouldn't dare check it, since I knew what the messages were about.

Security moved quickly, and then I was off to my gate. When I had arrived boarding was almost over. So I went up to the front handed the woman my boarding pass and made my way onto the plane.

I read my ticket to see my row and seat number. C5. I walked back a few rows and came in contact with my seat. I sat down and relaxed until it was time for the plane to take off.

(Regina's POV)

I had watched Emma leave, I didn't want her to go, but I knew it was best that I let her go. She makes me happy, but she also makes Killian happy too, and she's married to him. So he deserves to be around her.

Time passed, and Ava was still sound asleep. I sat in the kitchen around my island and thought about what I had just done.

I sent her away, and now she may never come back. Well she will, to get her child. But, she may never come back to want me the way she had did last night. It had frightened me to know that me- forcing her to go on her honeymoon may have ruined my chances to be around her.

I went up into my room and grabbed my phone, I pulled up Emma's number. I texted her a few times.

Regina: Emma, hey I'm sorry come back.

Regina: I didn't mean to force you out. I love you.

Regina: And I wanted you to stay, I just felt bad for keeping you away from your husband.

Regina: Please answer, come back.

Regina: Please?

I continued to send similar messages to Emma, but there was no response. I even tried calling a few times, but nothing. I started to tear up. I messed up.

-

By this time hours had went by, Ava was up and eating breakfast, and Emma still wasn't responding to any of the messages I had sent, nor calls either. I missed her, and wanted her.

I sat staring at my phone screen, not even sure what else to say. I just wanted one text back, nothing more. Just so I know she has looked at my messages, and has seen them. But there was nothing, and I wasn't sure if there ever was going to be something.

I just wanted her back here.


	3. Three

(Emma's POV)

I had arrived at the resort Killian and I were going to be staying at for the next couple of days.

I walked up to the front desk, and explained how Killian had already checked in and I'd be staying with him.

Once they had figured out which room, they helped me with my bags had me follow them in the direction of the room.

Killian and I were staying in one of the suites, so I was excited to see what it had looked like, but I wasn't too excited to see him, because I knew he'd be upset.

The door had opened and I could see Killian in the distance. He was out the balcony, and somewhere in my mind I was hoping he wouldn't turn around, I didn't want to make eye contact, at least not right now.

But he did the opposite of what I wanted, as soon as the door had closed behind me Killian turned his head and we had made eye contact. It was a few seconds before he got up and started walking towards me. I could feel my heart start to beat, faster, and faster.

I knew this wasn't going to go well.

"Where have you been?" He questioned.

Here we go.

"I was with Ava, but I'm here now" I awkwardly smiled.

"It doesn't take this long to drop off our daughter at that woman's house!" His voice started to raise.

"I know it shouldn't have, but it did" I said. "I'm sorry" I apologized.

"Emma, tell me where you were and what you were doing!" At this point he was yelling.

"I was dropping off Ava" I said. "I promise I was" I reassured him.

"I don't even know why I married you" His face was all red.

I could feel tears start to fill my eyes, I just wanted to yell back, but I was too heartbroken for that.

-

I made it an early night for myself, I was in bed fully by 8:30. I didn't feel like speaking to Killian, or going anywhere with Killian. He invited me places after he had an hour or two to cool off from our argument.

but why would he want to go somewhere with someone he didn't want to marry?

I stared out the balcony doors as I laid in bed. His words of not wanting to marry me had continued to run through my head, and kept hurting more and more.

I picked up my phone that I hadn't looked at in hours. As soon as I turned on my phone there was a bunch of messages from Regina. I looked through all of them, and answered immediately.

Emma: I wish I could come back, I miss you, and it sucks here. I should've never left.

I sent the message and waited for a reply.

My phone went off, and my heart had got excited. Since it had known who the message was from.

Regina: Then come back, you're welcomed here. Please?

I wanted to go back, but I couldn't. Killian would hate me if I did.

Emma: I can't. I'm sorry.

Regina: Why? Just say Ava is sick and come home.

Emma: He would know that I was lying.

I heard the door open, and I realized it was Killian. If he ever knew I was texting Regina that would be another argument. And I wasn't completely in the mood for another one of those.

Emma: I have to go. I'll text you later.

"Hi love" Killian had smiled.

I was confused on why he was so happy now, a few hours ago he could barely stand me being in the same room as him.

I decided to stay quiet, there was no reason to speak to him because somehow it would turn into an argument.

"Love" Killian repeated.

I turned to fully face him.

"I'm sorry about earlier" He came to sit on the bed.

I know he's not sorry, it happens almost everyday, and then he comes and apologizes about it.

"I know you're not" I said.

"I promise that I am" He smiled, while wrapping his arm around me. "I love you"

He's drunk. That's the only reason why he's acting so kind right now.

I stared at him just waiting for him to say another word. And at that moment my phone had went off. I'm pretty sure it was from Regina.

Who else would be texting me?

"Who's that texting you?" He questioned.

"It's no one, probably work, don't know" I said.

"Let me see" he had reached over me to grab the phone.

Parts of me were hoping it wasn't Regina, but another part of me knew it was as Killian's face turned from happy to what looked like, now again, upset.

He looked back up at me, I could see the anger in his eyes. But, he wanted to start something that I didn't want to. I could see him going to say something but I cut him off.

"I'm tired, I'm going to go to sleep" I said pulling the phone out of his hand.

I had closed my eyes, and I could feel him getting onto his side of the bed.

I couldn't wait for this trip to be over, only four more day's until I could see Regina again, and be happy again.


	4. Four

We had arrived at the airport, and the excitement to go back home was growing larger inside of me.

Those four days seemed to be the worst four days of my life, and I'm so glad that they're over.

"Why are you so happy?"

I didn't realize I was showing it though.

"No reason, excited to see Ava is all"

Killian rolled his eyes to the response.

"You weren't this happy when on the honeymoon with me" he scoffed.

"I was, you were just upset with me the whole time" I responded.

"I wasn't! You're just too hung up on our babysitter! How about you pay attention to the person you married!" He yelled.

Maybe he was right, I married him, I should be happy with him, not some other woman.

"You're right, I'm sorry"

I could see a small smile form on his face, and he had kissed me on my lips.

-

We had made it through security, and started heading towards our gate. I was still excited to head home, but our flight didn't leave for another hour.

I pulled out my phone to be met with tons of messages from Regina asking how I am, and telling me about Ava. I cleared the messages, and turned off my phone.

I keep having to tell myself, even though she makes me happy, she's not the one I married. But I wish she was.

"Hey, Luv, let's send a picture to Ava" he looked over at me.

Doing that would mean having to go through Regina to send the pic, but I couldn't say no.

I nodded and held up my phone, Killian and I had both smiled.

E: Tell Ava we're on our way home!

I had hit the send button to send to Regina, and seconds later she had already responded to me.

R: Sure will.

After reading her message I shut off my phone once again. I leaned my head into Killian's shoulder and reminisced about him and Regina. I was thinking about how he didn't bring me any joy, the only thing holding us together was Ava. It's one of the only reason's why we had decided to get married too. Without her I'm sure we would have not been together.

I loved her, not him.

"I'll be back" I said getting up and heading towards the bathroom.

I entered a stall, took out my phone, and dialed Regina's number. I couldn't stay away from her, that'd be impossible for me.

"Hi Emma what's up?" She questioned.

"I just want to say something" I answered.

"And what might that be dear?"

"I don't want this, I want you, and only you. I feel a connection, I know it's there. I want you to be mine, I just don't know how" I expressed.

"When you figure it out, just let me know" she said hanging up.

I was so confused onto why she would just hang up. I tried calling her back but no answer. How could this be happening? I wiped the few tears that had formed, and headed back towards Killian. Maybe this was just a sign that Regina and I would never work out.

-

Regina's POV:

After hanging up on Emma I had went back to cooking lunch for her daughter Ava.

I didn't have a legitimate reason for hanging up on her, I guess I could blame the jealousy of when she had sent me the pic of her and Killian. Especially after the whole time she had talked back about him.

I thought about what happened before she had left before her honeymoon and the thought of that had put a smile on my face. But, she doesn't know what she wants and I'm not going to waste my time.

Once the food had been cooked, I called Ava back down to eat. She seemed so happy to see her parents that would be home in now about an hour or two.

Even if I am upset with Emma I was still happy to see her.

-

Hours had passed, and a knock was brought to my front door. I went to open it to be met with Emma.

"Hey" she said.

I just gave a small smile back, and motioned her to come in.

Ava was already making her way down the steps, she had immediately ran up to Emma to hug her.

"Why didn't Killian come up?" I blurted out.

"Not feeling well" she responded with a smile.

I knew that was a lie, she was bad at telling lies.

"Thanks for watching her Regina, I'll see you later" she said while walking out the door.

"Bye" I said as I watched her walk to her yellow bug that Killian was sitting in.

I shut the door, and all I could think about was her.

I want us to be something, but that could never happen, it won't ever happen.


	5. Five

It's been days since I've even spoken, or seen Regina. Killian's gotten so much now mean. It's seems as if he's grown jealousy over someone who isn't even mine.

"Good morning luv" I heard a voice say.

"Morning" I put on a smile, and pecked him on the cheek.

"Are you going to take Ava to school?" He questioned.

I immediately nodded, as it could give me a reason to run into Regina since she works at Ava's school.

I called Ava down, and before I knew it we were out of the house and in the car.

"Are you and daddy arguing?" I heard Ava question.

"No" I lied. "No, we're not"

She smiled, and went back to looking at her iPad.

I had arrived at her school, and quickly dropped her off so I was able to search for Regina.

I needed to talk to her.

I looked through parking lots, and even the front and back of the building. She was nowhere to be found.

I started driving away from the school in no hopes of finding her.

I pulled into my driveway and pulled out my phone. I went into Regina's messages. The last time we texted was three weeks ago.

E: Hey can we talk?

I sent the message and took a deep breath. I was nervous. I got out the car and seconds later my phone had went off.

R: 6:00. Granny's.

I read the message, and I know there was a smile appearing on my face. No matter how short, and bland the message she sent was, they somehow always brought a smile to my face.

I walked inside, and kept thinking about how I was going to tell Regina that she made me happy, and that I do want her, I know I want her. I just need to know how to say it.

-

Regina's POV

After responding to Emma, I could feel my heart getting happier. I'm not sure why though, she's married, and we haven't talked in weeks. But she made me happy, she somehow always makes me happy.

As going through the day of teaching all I could think of is what Emma was going to talk about later, but either way I was happy to be seeing her, finally.

-

I walked into Granny's, and I could feel my heart beating faster and faster.

"Hey Regina! Over here!" I heard a voice say.

I walked over to the booth where Emma had been sitting, and I sat down.

"Hey" I smiled. "So what did you want to talk about?"

"I know what I want"

My eyes had widened. "And what do you want?"

"I want you"

Those words made me shocked, yet so happy at the same time. She did this to me.

"You're married" I responded.

"I-I know, but I'm working on that" she sighed. "I'm not happy anyways, things are bad right now, and have been for awhile" she looked away.

"What's wrong?" I questioned.

"Nothing"

There's that fake smile along with that lie. I guess when you're falling for someone you're good at detecting things like this.

"What about Ava?"

"I'll figure it out" she looked up at me.

She's beautiful.

"I'm going to talk to him tonight about filing a divorce, but I'm not sure how well that'll go"

I couldn't believe she was actually following through with this.

"All for me?"

"I'm choosing you" she gave me a big smile. "I love you"

Those three words, have such a big meaning, and she used them on me.

I was frozen, I wasn't sure what to say, or what to do.

"You don't have to say it back" she touched my hand. "I just wanted to let you know"

I love you too, was all that could run through my mind, but not out of my mouth.

The jealousy that was once sitting on my shoulders is gone, she chose me, out of all people me.

"I should get going" she started standing up.

All I could do was nod, and agree with her. "Let me know how it goes" I said. "If you want"

"I will" she smiled as she was leaving the diner.

I hope it was going to go well, because I know how he gets when he gets mad.

-

Emma's POV:

I was nervous to go and have this conversation with Killian, because he's never been fond of Regina ever since he found out she had a thing for women, and I was one of them. I wasn't ready to do this, but deep down I know it had to be done.

I got home, and walked inside to be met with Killian sitting at the kitchen island.

"Hey we have to talk" I sighed.

"Yes luv?"

"We need a divorce" I quickly said.

I could see a major change in his emotional expression, it seemed to go from somewhat happy to angry in a matter of seconds. And him being angry was never good.

"Killian?" I questioned. "I think it's for the best"

He then had looked away from me, and then looked back.

"You never know what's best!" He yelled. "You only think about yourself no one else!" He started getting louder and louder.

"Keep it down please" I said, so Ava wouldn't overhear us.

"No! I'm tired of you thinking that you can just get with people and get rid of them! We have a kid together"

"I-I know, and I'm sorry"

"Is it that Regina woman? Is it her?" He got closer during his questioning. I didn't say a word, because it was her. "I knew it!" He went back to yelling. "Get out! Now!"

I grabbed my keys and headed out of the house. The only place I could go is Regina's. I headed towards her house and started to tear up. I just ruined my family, was it worth it?

I pulled up to Regina's house, got out my car, and went to go knock on the door.

The door swung open.

"Hey, can I stay here please?" I asked.

Regina nodded and took me into her arms, shutting the door behind her.

"Everything will be okay, I promise" she reassured me.

But, it won't be okay, I know it won't be okay.


	6. Six

possible trigger warning:

mentions of abuse

minor abuse in this chapter.

-

Can we skip past near-death clichés

Where my heart restarts, as my life replays?

All I want is to flip a switch

Before something breaks that cannot be fixed.

I know, I know - the sirens sound

Just before the walls come down.

Pain is a well-intentioned weatherman

Predicting God as best he can,

But God I want to feel again.

Rain or shine, I don't feel a thing,

Just some information upon my skin.

I miss the subtle aches when the weather changed,

The barometric pressure we always blamed.

-

"So, do you want to tell me what happened?" Regina questioned.

"No" I looked her in the eye.

"Is it bad?"

I shook my head. "He hates me"

"He doesn't hate you" she smiled. "He loves you" she continued.

I shrugged my shoulders. We were now sitting on the couch, I just wanted to hug her some more. The hug at the door wasn't enough. I feel like my heart is shattering and I don't know what to do.

He's only ever hit me once, but I'm afraid he'll do it again. Regina doesn't even know he's hit me before. I was too afraid to tell her. I was too afraid to tell anyone, and still am.

"Emma?" Her voice brought me out of my thoughts. "What's going on up there in that head?"

"I'm scared" I've never told anyone that before, not even her.

I could see the confused look on her face, she didn't say anything.

"Nevermind" I looked away. "I think I should go back"

"Not now" she grabbed my hand. "Tell me what you're afraid of first"

"I'm scared of him, that's why I married him, that's why I had a kid with him, he scares me." I let out. I never told anyone that either.

"Why are you so afraid of him?"

"He's scary when he's upset, he's not afraid of anything" I squeeze her hand.

That confused look had come back upon her face.

"He'll hit me when he's upset, and sometimes it's bad. The hitting only happened once, but what if it happens again? What if I make him so upset one day he doesn't stop? Everything he says I do, because I can't make him too mad"

Regina just had sat in silence, I didn't know what else to say.

"Please say something" I looked at her hand. She had immediately let go of mine. "Regina, please talk to me" I sniffed.

"Why would he do that to you?" She questioned.

"I-I don't know" I grabbed her hand again. "But it's okay, as long as he never hurts Ava it's fine"

"Emma, it's not fine" she got closer to me. "Him hurting you is not fine, when did this start?"

"Before the marriage, years before" I said.

"Why didn't you tell me? I could've helped you, Emma" she said in a stern voice.

"I was afraid to tell people, but it's okay, can we please drop it?" I asked.

She nodded, and brought me into a hug. This hug is all I wanted the past few minutes, this is all I needed. Being in her warmth made me happy, she made me happy. I just have to find out a way for Ava to be here with us too.

-

Invisible machinery,

These moving parts inside of me

Well, they've been shutting down for quite some time,

Leaving only rust behind.

Well I know, I know - the sirens sound

Just before the walls come down.

Pain is a well-intentioned weatherman

Predicting God as best he can,

But God I want to feel again,

Oh God I want to feel again.

Down my arms, a thousand satellites

Suddenly discover signs of life.

-

I woke up in Regina's arms. It didn't even feel like last night had happened. I thought now would be a good time to head back to the house. I had to check on Ava and grab a few things for myself.

I slid out of Regina's arms not trying to wake her, but I ended up doing just exactly the opposite.

"Where are you going?" She said in a groggy voice.

"Back home" I said before grabbing my coat.

"I'm coming" she shot up, and grabbed her coat.

"It's okay, you don't have to"

"No, I want to"

I grabbed my keys, and headed towards my car as she followed along. I was hoping that he wouldn't be home at this time as Ava is supposed to be in school right now.

I started the car and headed towards the place I had called home.

After fifteen minutes we had arrived, I had noticed his car was in the driveway, meaning he was home.

"Wait here" I told Regina while getting out of the car.

She had just nodded.

I went into the house to only be met with Killian.

"Where have you been all night?" His voice started to get later.

"You told me to leave, so I did" I said.

"But, where did you go?" He questioned.

"Regina's" I said looking down. "I had nowhere else to go"

He started getting closer to me, and I backed up. "I just came to grab a few things, and see how Ava was doing"

"She's doing just fine without you"

I guess most people do fine without me.

"I just have to get a few things, then I'm gone. I promise" I said running up the stairs.

I grabbed some medicine, my phone charger, and some extra clothes. I threw it into an old duffel bag that had been sitting in our- his room. I grabbed the bag and went downstairs.

"Wait" he walked up to me, and smacked me right across the face. "That's for treating me like crap, don't come back here"

I ran outside, shutting the door behind me, and getting to my car. I couldn't wait to go back to Regina's. I would miss Ava, but there was just nothing I could do about this situation right now.


	7. Seven

trigger warning:

pills

mentions of abuse

minor abuse.

just a warning.

-

Don't think I can take it

With every drama a piece of me dies

Like some kind of sadist

I think that he likes to see the pain in my eyes

He knows that I'm lovesick

He kissed me and promised I will be alright

We both know it's messed up

The longer I'm with him the less I'm alive.

-

Once we had stepped into Regina's house I knew the questions we're gonna come.

"What happened?" She questioned. "You didn't talk the whole way home, and you usually talk all the time"

"Nothing happened" I smiled. "Everything went fine"

"Mhm." She said. I know she didn't believe me. "Want some food?" She asked walking to the kitchen.

"Sure" I smiled. "I'm gonna go to the bathroom real quick" I ran up the stairs.

I got into the bathroom and locked the door. I pulled my medicine out of my duffel bag, and opened the bottle. The last time I took this stuff was very long ago. It helps, with everything; the pain, the thoughts. It calms me. I threw three pills into my mouth and grabbed my packed water bottle to swallow them. That should do it.

-

Doctor's on the other line

'Cause he's not coming home tonight

And I just took my very last pill

Need something to numb the pain

Demons knocking on my brain

I think they coming in for the kill

Nine one one, I need someone

While my baby plays me like a game

I'm not having fun

Nine one one, tell him he's won

Why my heart is always aching

And I gotta be done 'cause

I, I, I gotta lose my guy

Oh I, I'm, I'm gonna lose my mind.

-

Regina's POV

Emma didn't seem okay, meaning she isn't. I'm not sure what happened inside of that house, but I wish she would tell me. I somehow have to find a way to get Ava to live here, if I could just get those two away from him it'll be okay. I decide to pick up my phone and call Killian. I only have his number because I babysat Ava a lot.

The line continued to ring, after a few seconds someone had picked up.

"Regina? May I help you?" He questioned.

"What did you do to Emma?" I asked.

"Only what she deserved luv" he whispered.

The line had went dead after that. I tried to call him back, but there was no answer.

After a few minutes Emma had come down the stairs, and smiled at me.

"Are you alright?" I asked her.

She just nodded. Meaning no.

"Can you please talk to me?" I sighed. "I'm here for you"

She just continued to look down into her hands. "I can't"

"Em, I won't tell anyone" I got closer to her. "I promise" I held out my pinky, she always felt she could open up more when I did her pinky promises. Things like this is what made her cute.

"He.." she started trailing off. I grabbed her hand. "He hit me" she sniffed. "But it's okay, not a big deal, I'm fine"

The blood that ran through my veins was boiling. I couldn't believe him, why would he feel the need to hurt her? Just because she doesn't want to be with him?

"Em" she flinched when I said her name. "I'm here okay, I'm always going to be here"

She didn't respond after that.

"I'm making hot cocoa with cinnamon, and grilled cheese. It may not be like granny's but I know it's your favorite" I smiled at her.

She still didn't make any eye contact, it's like she wasn't here, it's like she was in her head.

"Emma" I said.

"Um, sorry what?"

"Nothing love, you alright?" I asked again.

She nodded. She still wasn't.

"Grilled cheese and hot cocoa, you're too kind" she smiled up at me. But it wasn't her smile that I know.

"I'm going to go freshen up, I'll be back dear" I kissed Emma on the forehead.

I went upstairs, picked out some pajamas, some for me, and some for Emma. We could match. I grabbed mine and headed for the bathroom. I walked in and started the shower. As I was walking back towards the mirror I noticed a pill bottle. I'm assuming it was Emma's possibly for the pain, I didn't think too much of it. I just put it away in the cabinet. I hopped in the shower and thoughts about Emma immediately started crossing my mind, I love her, and I don't want her in pain, and I definitely don't want her daughter experiencing any pain of the absence of her mother.

"Regina.." I heard a voice say softly. "Can I come in?"

"Yes, of course" I peaked my head past the curtain to reassure it was Emma. "What's wrong?"

"Just didn't want to be alone" she put the toilet seat down, and sat on it. "Thank you for everything, I appreciate it" she sighed. "I'm sorry for dragging you into this."

"You didn't drag me into this, I'm happy to be here for you, I love you, remember"

"Um, yeah" She sniffed. Something's wrong. "I need to go get something for this pain I'll be back"

"The pills? They're in the cabinet, you left them in here" I pointed to the cabinet.

"O-oh okay, thanks" she smiled.

"Don't take to many, need you alive, the pain will go away eventually Em" I explained. "Would you like to join me in here?" I asked, hoping she would say yes.

"Is that okay?"

"Of course, come on"

She took off her clothes, and came into the shower with me.

"You're beautiful you know that?" I reassured her.

"So are you" she said smiling.

I kissed her on the lips, and it had only escalated from there. I love her. I love her. I love her.

-

We fall apart as it gets dark

I'm in your arms in Central Park

There's nothing you could do or say

I can't escape the way I love you

I don't want to, but I love you


	8. Eight

trigger warning:

same as the last chapters, sorry.

-

It's not true

Tell me I've been lied to

Crying isn't like you, ooh

What the hell did I do?

Never been the type to

Let someone see right through..

-

I was awaken by yelps, and small screams. Little did I know it was Emma making all this noise. I turned to her and tried waking her up. I assumed she was having a bad dream, I needed to wake her up.

"Emma, wake up" I said, over and over, until she had finally woken up.

"I-I'm sorry" she apologized.

I took her into a hug. "No need to be sorry, I'm here for you, I told you this"

-

Up all night on another red eye

I wish we never learned to fly

Maybe we should just try

To tell ourselves a good lie

I didn't mean to make you cry

-

The nightmares Emma had gone through, had gotten worse as nights went on. She hasn't spoken to Ava in days, and Killian tries to get her to come home, but I'm not allowing it. The same things will just repeat.

I watched the sunrise, as the blonde has slept. After she wakes up, and falls back asleep she always seems to be alright. I got up, and decided to go and make some breakfast for her. Pancakes.

After about twenty minutes, I heard someone coming down the stairs.

"Good morning, Gina" She greeted me. She hasn't called me Gina in so long, it's nice to hear it again.

"Good morning Em" I smiled. "I made you some food"

The brightest smiled appeared on her face. "Thank you, I love you" she also hasn't said that in awhile either.

"I just have to go grab something, I'll be back" she said running back up the stairs.

I hope it wasn't more of those pills, I think she's been abusing them lately, and I don't want anything to happen to her. I care about her.

"Hey, have you seen my pain medicine?" I heard her yell from upstairs.

"No" I replied back up the stairs.

She couldn't be out already..

She came running back down. "I think I'm out of them, I'll have to go get some more today" she sat next to me at the table, and grabbed a pancake.

"Em, the pain will heal on its own" I said looking at her.

"I need them though, they help" she grabbed my hand. "I'll go on a run in a bit and come right back"

I nodded my head. I hope she'd be okay.

-

I just wanna make you feel okay

But all you do is look the other way, mm

I can't tell you how much I wish I didn't wanna stay

-

Emma's POV:

I knew Regina was getting worried about how much pills I've been taking, but they're for the pain, they always have been, and they always will be. I'm still in pain so I need them.

Once I had finished breakfast I kissed Regina, and headed out to get a restock.

It didn't take very long, I was actually in and out of the store. And I couldn't wait to get back and be with Regina.

I had texted her 'On my way back!'. I really did love this woman, she made me happy in ways I could never imagine, but I had to treat Killian well too, because the kid we happen to share is in his care.

I decided to stop by my house on the way back to Regina's house. His car wasn't outside meaning I could go in and get some things in peace.

I pulled into the driveway, and quickly made my way into the house.

I had opened the door, and I was met with Ava.

"Hi babygirl" I smiled pulling her into a hug. "How have things been?" I asked.

"Good, I miss you" she sighed.

"I miss you too, but we'll be back together soon" I pushed the hair out of her face.

I had heard a door shut, something like a car door. I had looked out the window, and saw it was Killian, usually he would stay at work longer, but I guess since I'm no longer here to watch Ava when she's done with school he has to do it.

"I have to go" I kissed Ava on her forehead, and made my way towards the back door so Killian wouldn't meet eyes with me.

-

Killian's POV

I pulled into the driveway, and noticed Emma's car here. I wasn't happy knowing she was inside with my daughter. I quickly hopped out the car, and went into the house to only see Ava.

"Was your mother here?" I asked.

She nodded. She got the lying traits from Emma.

I rolled my eyes, and picked up my phone to call Emma. No answer. I then called Regina. No answer. I decided to just text Emma instead.

Keep yourself away from my daughter.

You're not welcomed here.

Stay away.

I was hoping those messages would keep her away from this place. She didn't choose me, so I can't choose her.

-

Emma's POV

I glanced at the messages Killian had sent me, and I rolled my eyes. There was nothing I could do. I walked into Regina's house, and was confused on where she was.

"Regina!" I yelled.

"Up here!" She yelled back.

I ran up the stairs to see her laying on the bed. I got closer to the bed, and decided to lay with her. I didn't speak for awhile, there was many thoughts going on my head. Mainly about what Killian told me. I'm not sure why it was repeating in my head. I didn't want it to do that.

"Em" I heard her say.

I still didn't answer, his voice was taking over my mind, and making me hate myself even more.

"Emma" she said once more.

"Do you think you'd be fine without me?" I questioned, sitting up.

"No" she started. "Why would you ever think that?" She asked.

"No reason, just wanted to know" I sighed laying back down. "I love you"

"I love you too, Emma" she kissed me.

I hope I was actually enough for her, and that she wasn't lying.


	9. Nine

trigger warning:

same as last chapters, I'm sorry.

-

Take me to the rooftop

I wanna see the world when I stop breathing, turning blue

Tell me love is endless, don't be so pretentious

Leave me like you do

If you need me, wanna see me

Better hurry 'cause I'm leaving soon..

Sorry can't save me now

Sorry I don't know how

Sorry there's no way out

-

I woke up, from yet another nightmare, to find I was in bed alone. No Regina. I got up, and searched the house, nowhere to be found. I even tried calling her phone, but she ended up leaving it at the house. I usually talked with her about my nightmares after waking up from them, but maybe she got tired of them, or maybe she was tired of me just like everyone else.

I headed towards the bathroom, and downed a few more pills. I just needed to be calm, and get these voices out of my head, because deep down I know what they were saying wasn't true. She loves me, but they were trying to tell me otherwise. I'm not sure when she'd be back though, I needed her now, but she wasn't here.

I looked around for a paper and pencil, so I could try and write down my dream, maybe that would help.

He grabbed me, and hit me multiple times. Ava wasn't around I'm not sure where she was, but hopefully safe. He told me how worthless I am, and that no one would be able to love me like he did, and that I was making a huge mistake by being with you, but I don't think that, I think this is the greatest decision I've made in awhile.

I stopped writing as multiple tears were now falling from my eyes and onto the paper. I went to the bathroom, and chucked a few more pills down my throat, these voices, the calmness, wasn't coming as quick as I needed it to come.

I had went to go sit on Regina's bed, and decided to wait until she got back. Like I said, I need her, but after awhile I became tired, I'm sure it was the pills trying to calm me down, and I didn't mind it. I got closer to the pillow, put my head on it, and closed my eyes.

-

Taste me, these salty tears on my cheeks

That's what a year-long headache does to you

I'm not okay, I feel so scattered

Don't say I'm all that matters

Leave me, déjà vu

-

Regina's POV

I left Emma at my house, I went out to the sheriff's station trying to figure out how to get Ava away from Killian, in a legal way, but I couldn't find good enough information as Emma has no exact proof she's been attacked by him. But I'm sure there's other ways, just have to find them. I walked out of the sheriff's station, and drove back to my house. I hope Emma didn't wake up from any nightmares, they've been better recently, but she still has them. I know she doesn't like when I'm not there.

I pulled into the driveway, and then went inside my house. I walked towards the island to see words written onto a paper. I'm assuming it is what Emma had a dream about, meaning it was a nightmare, and I wasn't here. Crap.

I ran upstairs to be met with Emma sleeping, and her bottle of pills next to her. Gone.

I shook her, hoping to get her to wake up. I told her these pills were bad. I picked her up and brought her into the shower, turned on some cold water, and stuck my fingers down her throat a few times. Until I had heard a cough, followed by some of the food she had eaten today.

"Regina.." she looked over at me. "Where'd you go?"

I sighed. "I went to see if there was a way to get Ava to live here" I rubbed her head. "Why'd you do this?" I asked concerned.

"I-" she sat up. "I didn't mean to, I just thought if I took a few more it would help me be more calm, and feel okay"

I sighed at her response. "You can just talk to me you know" I helped her out the tub.

She nodded, and hugged me. "Thank you"

"So, later today, we can go and try to see if we can hire a lawyer, and fight for Ava if you'd like" I helped her dry off. "We can make our own family here" I smiled.

She nodded again. "I'd like that, a lot" she then kissed me.

-

I dedicate this song to you

I don't know what I would do

If you ever left me now

My heart would fall to the ground

Started off

It always starts off

With things going very well

Like beginnings of fairy tails

We made each other laugh and smile

That's why I need you around

When I'm with you, I'm the happiest..


	10. Ten

I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited

But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it

I had hoped you'd see my face

And that you'd be reminded that for me, it isn't over

-

We've spent about five hours sitting here trying to find reasons to get custody of Ava. I would first have to divorce Killian, and show I can have a stable relationship with Regina. I wasn't sure I was ready to divorce Killian yet, only because I was afraid of what he was capable of.

After meeting with the lawyer, Regina helped me fill out the separation papers. I was just afraid that Killian wouldn't sign off on these, knowing he'd be attending court to see who gets right's of Ava.

I finished filling out the papers, then Regina and I had headed over to what I used to call home.

Regina had decided to come inside the house with me, since the last time didn't go well when I went alone.

I knocked on the door, and it had immediately swung open.

"Swan, what are you doing here?" Killian questioned.

He hasn't called me that in so long.

"Can you sign these please?" I held out the papers for him. I could see the confusion on his face.

"Divorce papers?" He sighed. "Knew this day was going to come" he leaned over on the side of the door and signed the parts that needed to be signed.

"Thank you for doing this" I said taking the papers back. He had immediately shut the door. I could feel my heartache, and I'm not sure why it was doing that. I don't love him, I don't. But this hurt, a lot.

-

Never mind, I'll find someone like you

I wish nothing but the best for you, too

"Don't forget me," I beg

I'll remember, you said

"Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead."

"Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead."

-

"Are you okay?" Regina asked while we were walking into the house.

No. "Yeah I'm fine" I smiled.

"Okay, now it's time to work on getting Ava" she hugged me.

"Yeah, Ava" I hugged her tighter.

-

You know how the time flies

Only yesterday was the time of our lives

We were born and raised in a summer haze

Bound by the surprise of our glory days..

-

All night Regina and I had stayed up looking for things to use so Killian couldn't keep custody of Ava. We had found some stuff that came up, but not much. We were figuring out a court date tomorrow, but Killian didn't even know this was all happening. I decided to pull out my phone and text him. I know it wasn't the right thing to do, but my mind didn't stop me.

We're trying to get custody of Ava. I'm sorry.

I sent the text, I was afraid of how he was going to respond. He's always scared me. I kept looking back at the message, but no response.

"Why don't we get some sleep?" I looked over to Regina.

She nodded. She looked so drained. We both had went upstairs, and slept the rest of the night.

-

I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited

But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it

I had hoped you'd see my face

And that you'd be reminded that for me, it isn't over

-

After waking up, Regina and I had made our way towards our lawyer we had hired. Killian still hadn't answered the message I sent, and usually he would've answered. Our lawyer had walked us through the process and told us our date would be in the next three weeks, it was a long time away, but it was better than nothing. I was hoping the evidence we had presented was enough to get custody of Ava. I have to continue to tell myself I no longer love him, and that I want Regina, and a family with Regina, not him.

-

Nothing compares, no worries or cares

Regrets and mistakes, they're memories made

Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

-

Now, we would just have to wait out the three weeks trying to find as much evidence as we could to make sure we could present that Ava would be much safer with Regina and I. I just hope we're able to pull this off.

-

Never mind, I'll find someone like you

I wish nothing but the best for you, too

"Don't forget me," I beg

I'll remember, you said

"Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead."

"Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead."


	11. Eleven

My mother said I'm too romantic

She said, "You're dancing in the movies"

I almost started to believe her

Then I saw you and I knew

Maybe it's 'cause I got a little bit older

Maybe it's all that I've been through

I'd like to think it's how you lean on my shoulder

And how I see myself with you..

-

I looked over to Killian has he had started presenting evidence on how Ava would not be fit to stay in a home with Regina and I. I could feel tears fill in my eyes, because the things he was saying was true. I looked back at Regina, and she gave me a small smile. I then looked over to our lawyer, and he had just told me how it would be okay. I don't think I'm going to win custody.

"Is that true, Emma?" The judge questioned. I knew what they were talking about.

"My client doesn't have to answer that" my lawyer said getting up. "She May have had a problem in the past, but the past is the past"

My pill addiction, but that was months ago, Regina helped me.

"If what is being presented is true, then Ava would not be fit to stay in a home with you" the judge had explained. The tears from my eyes had started to fall.

I just have to say it.

"He's abused me, and he gets to keep Ava?" I say louder getting up.

"Ms. Swan, you may want to sit down" our lawyer had mentioned.

I shook my head. "I've never done anything to hurt anyone, yes I may have taken advantage of pills, but I got better, someone helped me, and since I got that help I feel as if I'm in the perfect place to gain custody of my daughter!"

The judge had started banging his mallet.

"Adjournment!" He yelled. "We'll have a verdict after the break"

I sighed and walked off to meet up with Regina.

"I'm scared" I admitted to her.

She nodded her head, and hugged me. "You can still win this, it's no longer up to you, just them"

"I know" I sighed, watching Killian exit the court room. There goes my heartache once again.

-

When we fight, we fight like lions

But then we love and feel the truth

We lose our minds in a city of roses

We won't abide by any rules

-

Here we go. He is about to decide who earns custody of Ava. It was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. As anticipation had grown, my heart kept beating faster, and faster. Maybe I should've just kept my mouth shut.

"Killian"

My heart dropped, I couldn't move. He won. I will never be able to see Ava again, I have Regina and I'm thankful, but I wanted Ava too. I turned to look back at Regina and I could see she was beginning to cry, but I was on my way to sobbing.

I looked over at Killian, and he gave me that look, that look he used to give me when he realized how powerful he was as a human being.

-

I don't say a word

But still, you take my breath and steal the things I know

There you go, saving me from out of the cold

Fire on fire would normally kill us

But this much desire, together, we're winners

They say that we're out of control and some say we're sinners

But don't let them ruin our beautiful rhythms

'Cause when you unfold me and tell me you love me

And look in my eye

You are perfection, my only direction

It's fire on fire

-

-Time Lapse-

It's been years now, I haven't seen Ava, she's going into the seventh grade soon. I miss her everyday, but Regina and I are doing well. We've decided to adopt some kids, and make our own little family. But I always hope Ava is doing well, and that she'll be okay. I never want him hurting her. As I've been told, he's remarried, which is good, I'm happy for him. Regina and I haven't gotten married yet, but we're planning on it. We love each other and have been through so much with each other. There's no one else I'd rather spend my life with. I love her.

-

Fire on fire would normally kill us

But this much desire, together, we're winners

They say that we're out of control and some say we're sinners

But don't let them ruin our beautiful rhythms


	12. AE

I felt bad for the way it had ended, so here's an alternate happy ending. skip towards the end of this if you had already read the past chapter. hope you like it.

-

My mother said I'm too romantic

She said, "You're dancing in the movies"

I almost started to believe her

Then I saw you and I knew

Maybe it's 'cause I got a little bit older

Maybe it's all that I've been through

I'd like to think it's how you lean on my shoulder

And how I see myself with you..

-

I looked over to Killian has he had started presenting evidence on how Ava would not be fit to stay in a home with Regina and I. I could feel tears fill in my eyes, because the things he was saying was true. I looked back at Regina, and she gave me a small smile. I then looked over to our lawyer, and he had just told me how it would be okay. I don't think I'm going to win custody.

"Is that true, Emma?" The judge questioned. I knew what they were talking about.

"My client doesn't have to answer that" my lawyer said getting up. "She May have had a problem in the past, but the past is the past"

My pill addiction, but that was months ago, Regina helped me.

"If what is being presented is true, then Ava would not be fit to stay in a home with you" the judge had explained. The tears from my eyes had started to fall.

I just have to say it.

"He's abused me, and he gets to keep Ava?" I say louder getting up.

"Ms. Swan, you may want to sit down" our lawyer had mentioned.

I shook my head. "I've never done anything to hurt anyone, yes I may have taken advantage of pills, but I got better, someone helped me, and since I got that help I feel as if I'm in the perfect place to gain custody of my daughter!"

The judge had started banging his mallet.

"Adjournment!" He yelled. "We'll have a verdict after the break"

I sighed and walked off to meet up with Regina.

"I'm scared" I admitted to her.

She nodded her head, and hugged me. "You can still win this, it's no longer up to you, just them"

"I know" I sighed, watching Killian exit the court room. There goes my heartache once again.

-

When we fight, we fight like lions

But then we love and feel the truth

We lose our minds in a city of roses

We won't abide by any rules

-

Here we go. He is about to decide who earns custody of Ava. It was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. As anticipation had grown, my heart kept beating faster, and faster. Maybe I should've just kept my mouth shut.

"Emma"

My heart dropped, I couldn't move. I won. I will have Ava, and now we can start a family. Regina, Ava, and I. I started jumping because I was so happy.

I looked over at Killian, and he had immediately rolled his eyes.

I still couldn't believe the judge gave me Ava. He gave me more than Ava, he gave me the ability to start a family with the love of my life.

-

I don't say a word

But still, you take my breath and steal the things I know

There you go, saving me from out of the cold

Fire on fire would normally kill us

But this much desire, together, we're winners

They say that we're out of control and some say we're sinners

But don't let them ruin our beautiful rhythms

'Cause when you unfold me and tell me you love me

And look in my eye

You are perfection, my only direction

It's fire on fire

-

-Time Lapse-

It's been years now, Ava is in the seventh grade, and there are some more children in this house. I've been told Killian remarried and has kids of his own, I'm happy for him. Regina and I are doing well. We've decided to adopt some kids, and make our own little family. Regina and I had gotten married two years ago, we went to Aruba for our honeymoon and it was the best time of our lives. Now you can see where the extra children had come from. There's no one else I'd rather spend my life with. She's truly my soulmate. I love her.

-

Fire on fire would normally kill us

But this much desire, together, we're winners

They say that we're out of control and some say we're sinners

But don't let them ruin our beautiful rhythms..

-

and that's officially the end of the book, I really hope you guys enjoyed it. my writing isn't that great, but I hope it was enough for you. thanks for reading 3


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